Tuesday May 13

Tuesday- Fight for your life
Sometimes you have to decide if what you are fighting for is really worth it or not. Sometimes, moving on is the better choice. Write about your most meaningful experience of this.

Last June, I literally bailed out of my life. I rented my cute 1930s bungalow I had spent so much time embellishing to truly reflect my new life as a divorced mom of three; I gave away or sold all of my furniture and other furnishings. What fit into a small Uhaul is all I brought with me to Austin. With my father's weakening health and a negative prognosis regarding my mom's biopsy, timing seemed horrible. Yet, in many ways, the move was my salvation. It was also the beginning to healing in relationships with my family. Sadly, my father passed 2 months after I moved. My mother is now in month 10 of remission. It has been the most chaotic and calming experience of my life. In the midst of it all, I found Stacci. What I needed to move beyond was an overwhelming sense of failure........in my life, with my family. I had lived in the same town all my life and felt that I had not recovered from the divorce, from the marriage distaster. Of course, I know now, just as I have always known, that I did not fail in my marriage. The fact that I hung in for so long against so many odds points to success.........of some sort.
Austin Rocks!! What I have learned from my letting go of my suburban ideal is that life is just "there". Life is messy, clean it up!! is my new anthem. And I don't look for picture perfect experiences to define whom I am. My bedroom is a mess and sometimes the dishes don't get done til the next morning.........but I am truly happy for the first time in my adult life..........whew!!
When we let go of baggage, we let go of everything and only have hope to sustain us............how amazing.

Stacci,
I can completely relate to your story! I have three chidren as well and have only just separated. But the idea of starting over after twenty years is scary and exciting all at once. I decorated my new home to reflect who I am and had so much fun with it. Its' rather girly but my boys don't seem to mind it. I'm in the proces of rediscovering who I am outside of the 20 year relationship with my husband. I'm learning that Being a mom is so much of who I am....which is good....but I felt it was a burden before the separation. I was too busy blaming my shackles on my husband and feeling sorry for myself. But if this has taught me anything about myself is that the boys are the most important thing in my life and so much of who I am is a mom. That's a good thing! Now, that's not to say that I can't wait to see who else I am....I'm looking forward to that adventure. There's so much untapped inside of me that I can feel it pushing out and ready to burst!!!

I loved your statement about the fact that your bedroom is a mes sometimes and the dishes don't always get done until the next morning! I feel the same way! Its' my house and I can do it or not! I love that freedom!!!

I guess i have a question. How are our children taking the divorce? Do they comment on how much happier you are now? Do they notice?

Peace,
Kelley

I can relate as well. I always had 'things' and they always mattered to me until in December 2005 I left America to visit a friend in Australia and left everything behind. I came there with only two suitcases, no idea how long I would be staying, and no clue what I was even doing there. I just knew I needed to be.
It was the most freeing experience of my life.....knowing everything I owned could fit in two suitcases. It completely changed my perspectives forever.
Life is so short yet so many people out there worry so much about 'things'.

Sometimes you move on, whether you want to or not.

I lived with my Big Love for more than two years, when he suddenly pulled the plug on our relationship. Of course there was Another Woman waiting in the wings. Of course! All of a sudden all of the tiny fractious events that transpired between us toward the end began to make sense. You can't be good to the person you're with when you're cheating with another!

The sad thing is, I began a paralegal certification program, at his encouragement, with an eye to continuing on into law school this spring. I got stuck holding the ball, literally. This is not something that I would have done just for myself, but rather, something that i did for the both of US so that I would better be able to support him in his endeavors.

I'm still sort of reeling. It's only been three months. He has tried to winnow his way back into my life, but the line in the sand has been crossed to the point where I can no longer ever trust him again. Not to mention, I have to have my pride. I could never forgive *myself* if I gave him another chance. This is not his first foray into philandering.

Anyway, I wish that I could say that I've found myself. I do have a lot more peace in my life. It's a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that I'd been fooled for so very long. Of course, she's young, quite young. Twenty-three. I can't compete with that.

I'm doing the best I can, taking one day at a time. Trying to find some vision of my future. Right now, I don't have one. And that's okay, too.

Hugs to all,

Melissa

In my case moving on was critical to my mental and spiritual well being! So that's the choice I made.